Divorce rates are rising and marriage lifespans are shortening. Marriages nowadays only last about 7 to 8 years before it ends in a divorce. What is the reason behind this change? Is marriage really the end of love?
In the past, divorce used to be extremely undesirable and frowned upon, couples were held together longer by social convention. However, people have more open mindsets now and this leads to the rise in divorce rates and shortens marriage lifespans. Marriages are also no longer viewed in the same light now compared to before. It used to be a means to an end, for the sake of making a family and having stability. Nowadays, the social media promotes "true love" to be the catalyst for marriages. This pursuing of "true love" have affected people's judgment on how marital happiness should be. Thus, worsening the marriage lifespans of modern couples.
In television shows, the happiness of "true love" lasts forever. However, this is not possible in real life. If one expects life after marriage to be as full of excitement and happiness as portrayed in films or dramas, he is to be severely dissapointed. The truth is not that such passionate love does not exist in real life. It is just that it does not last long into a marriage. New couples are always going on about how much they love each other, how happy they are with each other, and how they wish to be together forever and ever. However, such passion is rare between long-term couples.
When love is new, we are in the throes of what researchers call passionate love, a state of intense longing, desire and attraction. In time, this love generally morphs into companionate love, a less impassioned blend of deep affection and connection. Modern media usually portrays "true love" as passionate love because it is more exciting and attractive to the audience. This reduces people's ability to recognize and appreciate this companionate love. Variety and novelty affect the brain in much the same way that drugs do, it triggers dopamine and makes us feel good. Companionate love lacks the variety and novelty that passionate love brings. Thus, many married couples mistake the natural shift from passionate love to companionate love for incompatibility and unhappiness.
American and European researchers tracked 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over the course of 15 years. The findings were clear: newlyweds enjoy a big happiness boost that lasts, on average, for just two years. Then the special joy wears off and they are back where they started, at least in terms of happiness. As Raymond Chandler wrote: “The first kiss is magic. The second is intimate. The third is routine.” After the initial 2 years of marriage, the excitement and special joy of passionate love wears off, the dullness of life and stress of commitments in a marriage starts to kick in. Without the recognition of companionate love, latter years into the marriage can be difficult to bear.
However, for those who have stayed together due to continued happiness (companionate love) or commitment (children), the good news is that such passion can be revived. Research shows that marital happiness reaches one of its highest peaks during the period after offspring have moved out of the family home. A couple of decades may well recover the excitement of the honeymoon period 18 to 20 years into the marriage through rediscovering each other in the freedom of the so-called empty nest.
In conclusion, I believe that we should not depend too much on the media for our understanding in "true love". We have to know that love cannot be passionate forever and learn to appreciate both passionate love and companionate love. Marriage is not the end of love, it is simply a new beginning...
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